Pitch Perfect is a new musical about a girl at a private university who joins an a capella group. Because that’s what the cool kids were doing. Like your momma.

Have you ever sneezed and farted at the same time? That’s the trailer for Pitch Perfect. Sure, it turns out Up in the Air star Anna Kendrick can actually sing, but it also turns out I don’t give a shit.

Oooooo, she’s sings like a badass. They sing acappela versions of good songs and therefore make those songs forever shit. Ooooo.

Oh, the plot. Right. So there’s girl. She’s cool. She doesn’t want to join a stupid a cappella group, but when she’s cornered in the women’s shower by a guy AND girl, she reluctantly agrees. I wrote a letter to Penthouse that was almost exactly like that once. That also had Anna Kendrick and Brittany Snow. But I was the one cornered. And they didn’t let me leave, though they did make me sing.

Then there’s a competition and they win or something, but by the end of the film your ears will be bleeding so bad and the insanity will have set in, so who cares about the ending? It’s the journey that matters.

I wonder if they’ll sing any songs by Journey… I HOPE SO.

Pitch Perfect

Pitch Perfect is a visual/auditory assault from master asshat Jason Moore. It probably has a screenplay, but it’s possible it’s also just shit. Moore’s legendary career includes directing a few episodes of Brothers & Sisters and Everwood.

Pitch Perfect Trailer

Pitch Perfect Release Date

October 5, 2012.

Pictures

Who’s In It?

 Elizabeth Banks … Gail
  Alexis Knapp … Stacie
  Anna Kendrick … Beca
  Brittany Snow … Chloe
  Christopher Mintz-Plasse … Tommy
  Rebel Wilson … Fat Amy
  Adam DeVine … Bumper
  Anna Camp … Aubrey
  John Michael Higgins … John
  Freddie Stroma … Luke
  Skylar Astin … Jesse
  Judd Lormand … Semi-Finals Emcee
  Kelley Jakle … Jessica
  Brittney Alger … Opening Divisi #2
  Jacob Wysocki … Justin
  David Del Rio … Kolio
  Brock Kelly … Howie

What’s Good About It?

Pitch Perfect is easily this year’s best bet for convincing someone to shoot themselves. So there’s that…

What’s Bad About It?

Can I blow the rape whistle? My eyes. They were raped. Also, my ears. I was gang raped. In the head.

I almost wrote that as gan graped. What’s that? Answer in the comments! (at least this post will have SOME merit)

Our Clever Prediction

Too excited about seeing Pitch Perfect? I can create the experience for you RIGHT here, ON STARSEEKER, and best of all… FOR FREE.

Go to the bathroom. Pick up the plunger. Stick it in the toilet. Pull down your pants. Stand on the toilet seat so your butt is a good two and a half feet or more about the bowl. Jump straight up and throw your legs out in front of you so your body becomes “L” shaped.

Voila. That’s Pitch Perfect. If you’re a dude and miss your butt and the plunger handle instead catches your sack, ripping it, then you saw Pitch Perfect twice. I just saved you $20. YOU’RE WELCOME.