New trailers for The Thing, John Carter and Hugo, as well as some pics of Spider-Man, Total Recall, and The Hobbit. Pretty good haul overall.

The Thing

I’m looking forward to The Thing for one main reason. Star Mary Elizabeth Winstead is a goddess. I don’t say that much. Goddess. What’s with the stickiness in my shorts? Oh.

John Carter

I’ve never read any of the books, but John Carter looks cool. That said, I have no idea if this is accurate to the text or not. Hopefully… yes?

Hugo

Martin Scorcese’s first 3D film, Hugo, formerly Hugo Cabret, has a trailer. I like it. Or perhaps I don’t like it. Why should I tell you? WHY?

Oh, right. You come here for my opinions. Here’s an opinion: Your momma is so fat that the world is attracted to HER gravitational pull.

SNAPDRAGON.

Spider-Man

So The Amazing Spider-Man is said to have a trailer debuting next week, but today there are some nice official pics up. They give me hope. HOPE!

Total Recall

You know what it’s hard for Colin Farrell to do? Not look handsome. Guess who else has that problem? NOT CANADA.

I bet you thought I was gonna say me. You was wrong. Bro.

So here’s a pic of Colin Farrell from the remake of Total Recall. I want to write Totall Recall. How cool is that title?

Answer: Very cool.

The Hobbit

More dwarves from The Hobbit. I’m not dignifying this with any clever lines. Oh, they’re Bombur, Bofur and Bifur. I need to reread those books. These names sound ridonkulous.