Hitman 2 (2012)

Flying Brian Banana Hammock June 18, 2010 5

Hitman 2 follows the apparently inconsistent killer Agent 47, who, after learning in the first film about protecting someone and having a heart, now wants to become the world’s top assassin once again.


Hopefully director Daniel Benmayor will further highlight the inconsistencies of Agent 47 by having him express his dislike of fast food only to later eat at Wendy’s. Maybe Hitman 2 will have subtle racism, and Agent 47 will only kill Korean children. But, in another bit of inconsistency, cry over the success of Panda Express, while eating their delicious orange chicken. Then he’ll wonder aloud of Americanized Chinese food counts as exploiting Korea. Admit it, if half that had made it into the original, you’d be excited for a sequel.

Hitman 2 Script

Penned by Kyle Ward, who is also working on an adaptation of other video game property Kane and Lync, Hitman 2 will follow Agent 47 as he tries to get back into murderous shape. Apparently he’s really let himself go, eating too many nachos and such, and he needs to regain that chiseled physique so he can once again not bang Olga Kurylenko.

Who’s It For?

Bring the kids! Or not, since the first one was R. And about a guy who kills people for a living. Plus it sucked, so you shouldn’t be wasting your kid’s time. This isn’t Robocop.

Movie Release Date

It was supposed to be 2010, don’t see that happening, and since production hasn’t started yet, late 2011 would be the earliest, but more likely 2012.

Who’s In It?

No word yet as to whether Timothy Olyphant will reprise his roll as Agent 47. Other rumors place Joan Cusack and Nathan Lane in the film, although those are still unconfirmed. Stay tuned for more as casting progresses.

Related Movies

Hitman, other crappy video game film adaptations. (All except Super Mario Bros. which this is in no way related)

What’s Good About It?

It isn’t hard to make a decent film about an assassin who kills lots of people and has hot chicks strip naked and walk about the hotel room in their thongs…

What’s Bad About It?

And yet they made an epic crapfest the first time.

Our Clever Prediction

I’m thinking I’ll be describing the sequel as Missman, rather than Hitman. Get it? Because it’ll be a miss, and not a hit.

If Olyphant comes back, I’ll give it a shot. Justified and Deadwood are two of my favorite shows, and if he can kick half the ass in Hitman as he does on Justified, then I’m in.

5 Comments »

  1. thecrazyfighter19 November 21, 2012 at 2:35 am -

    And I am excited for a sequel even without the things you mentioned

  2. thecrazyfighter19 November 21, 2012 at 2:27 am -

    What are you guys talking about. The hitman movie was awesome. Violence, action, nudity, gun fights and explosions. Last time I checked those things made movies awesome. So you better give me a reason why the hitman movie sucked. It only counts if I agree. I’ll be fair

  3. pjmp July 28, 2012 at 7:09 pm -

    As long as they have Olga Kurylenko in the film i’m not really bothered about anything else haha.

  4. Lynn January 14, 2011 at 9:15 pm -

    Well…maybe one day they will make Hitman 2. Hopefully they will keep Timothy Olyphant because he was perfect for the part and too many times in sequels they change up the people playing the character and it loses its punch…look at Batman….

  5. Channing October 26, 2010 at 3:29 pm -

    plz make da movie better… and choose someone else rather than mr. olyphant. I know hes a good actor but the hitman role just does’nt work for him. change the actor. someone new that looks exactly like hitman.