The Conspirator tells the tale of the trail of those involved in a conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln. Thankfully, Lincoln was saved at the last second by a time traveling movie blogger. I’m a national treasure.
Frederick Aiken, ancestor to Clay, is a young lawyer who is given the duty to defend Mary Surratt, who owned the boarding house where John Wilkes Booth and his coconspirators met to play the Lincoln Assassination. As the trial goes along, Aiken discovers that his client is most likely innocent of any crime, and that she is being used to flush out the one conspirator who had thus far escaped capture, her son.
Then, Aiken discovers that though he has a tiny body and is insanely gay, he has a beautiful singing voice. He auditions for Civil War Idol and comes in second to a big fat black guy. Fortunately for Aiken, even the North was pretty racist back in the day, and Idol winner Ruben Blubber is sent to Canada, where the mentally deficient population mistake him for Santa Claus and worship him.
Oh, and in Canada ‘worship’ means they at him and made hockey sticks out of his bones. And that, children, is the origin of soccer.
The Conspirator is Robert Redford’s latest film, and it received some publicity a while back as a rival Lincoln film to Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln. The coolest thing about the film is the guy they got for Lincoln, Gerald Bestrom, is an Abe Lincoln impersonator. This has to be the best possible outcome of anyone ever becoming an impersonator of a famous dude. Except for Elvis, who became an Elvis impersonator and continues to perform weddings in Vegas to this day.
Who’s It For?
Movie Release Date
Who’s In It?
James McAvoy … Frederick Aiken
Norman Reedus … Lewis Payne
Justin Long … Nicholas Baker
Alexis Bledel … Sarah Weston
Evan Rachel Wood … Anna Surratt
Robin Wright Penn¹ … Mary Surratt
Johnny Simmons … John Surratt
Danny Huston … Joseph Holt
Gerald Bestrom … Abraham Lincoln
Lincoln, Gods and Generals, JFK, The Patriot
What’s Good About It?
Robert Redford is a pretty talented director. Lions for Lambs may not have made much money, but it wasn’t half bad, and he has some great talent in The Conspirator. James McAvoy, aka Professor X, Evan Rachel Wood, The Walking Dead’s Norman Reedus, Robin Wright Penn, and Danny Huston are all going to elevate this film. I’m not worried about it competing with Spielberg’s Lincoln, since this is really a film about the aftermath of Lincoln’s assassination. I’m not sure Bestrom even has any lines.
What’s Bad About It?
Admittedly, I love Alexis Bledel, and I watched Gilmore Girls, but she’s a crappy actor. I’d still marry her.
Also, the film is being released in April, and yet it looks like an Oscar bait type film. If it was really good, it would most likely be released in the fall to win some awards.
Our Clever Prediction
I see The Conspirator getting some good publicity, especially as McAvoy is about to become a megastar with X-Men: First Class. It’ll probably do decent business, although I don’t see it being a runaway success.