Shark Night 3D is a campy horror film about a group of college kids who go away to a lake house only to discover some vicious sharks beneath the lake’s surface. And it’s in 3D, and there’s topless babes, and explosions and killing.. pretty much everything you need.

At first I was outraged by the synopsis, since there are very few fresh water sharks, but apparently the lake is in the Louisiana Gulf, which I assumes means it’s connected to the ocean. Wait. Nope. Another synopsis I found says that they’re fresh water sharks. I’m back to outraged. Everyone knows that freshwater sharks are gentle and make great pets, like dogs or goldfish. I hope all those kids get eaten.

Shark Night 3D

Shark Night 3D is being directed by David R. Ellis, who made Snakes on a Plane, The Final Destination, and he was a second unit director on a ton of movies, some of which had to do with sharks or water, such as Waterworld, Sphere, Deep Blue Sea, and The Matrix Reloaded. The water part of The Matrix Reloaded was the flushing sound of the film as it destroyed the Wachowski’s goodwill from the first film.

Fortunately, the film was written by Jesse Studenberg and Will Hayes. It’s the first project for Studenberg, and Hayes has written for Best Week Ever.

Worst film ever? Yep.

Shark Night 3D Trailer

Movie Release Date

September 2, 2011.

Pictures

Who’s In It?

 Sara Paxton … Sara
  Alyssa Diaz … Maya
  Dustin Milligan … Nick LaDuca
  Chris Carmack … Dennis
  Katharine McPhee … Beth
  Sinqua Walls … Malik
  Joel Moore … Gordon
  Chris Zylka … Blake

What’s Good About It?

I don’t know… I suppose it’ll be fun to watch people die.

What’s Bad About It?

From start to finish, this is a turd. Director, writers, cast, concept. Ugh.

Our Clever Prediction

No way this doesn’t tank. As Snakes on a Plane proved, it doesn’t matter if it’s a funny concept for a film, people aren’t going to see it if it sucks, and this will suck.

SUCK.