House of Night (2013)

Flying Brian Banana Hammock April 30, 2013 574

House of Night is the next Twilight, or at least it’s trying to be. First, no, I haven’t read the books, but the film is based on a popular book series based on vampires and a teenaged girl. Okay, so they call them Vampyres. But that’s just stupid.

Anyways, the Vampyres are a genetic anomaly that develops at puberty in a part of the population, and said Vampyres are marked and sent to a special school to learn to be adult Vampyres. Zoey Redbird, who I have to assume is Native American, what with the Redbird thing (like the werewolves in Twilight, not that I’ve seen them or anything), discovers that she is a Vampyre and is sent to the new school and has to learn about her new life as an abomination. Now lets talk about the trailer for House Of Night…

Trailer

Just kidding, not yet.

House of Night

The book has been optioned for a film, but so far there hasn’t been a writer or director announced. I nominate Catherine Hardwicke. In the House Of Night MOvie, newly turned vampyre Zoey Redbird leaves her old world behind and enters a training school known as the House of Night, where she can learn how to become an adult vampyre. Cool right?

Who’s It For?

Young adults and their fascination with the Vampire genre. Although, I guess its better kids are reading something since the general consensus is we are raising a society of idiots and shitheads. Why is the Vampire genre so big now, nobody cared about them in my childhood, in the 80’s. Although we did like Alf and The Fonze,  so maybe our generation shouldn’t brag too much.

Movie Release Date

House of night is now a 2013 movie release. They must be searching for a sexy male lead vampire. I nominate Jason Patrick. He was amazing in The Lost Boys, he knows the vampire character, and lets face it, he’s still hot. Right guys and gals? Right? Who’s got my back?

Who’s In It?

Since there hasn’t been any casting, I will also announce that Bob Sagat will play Zoey.

Interesting Fact

If you put Twilight and House of Night in Mortal Kombat as characters House of Night would totally finish Twilight. House of Night’s finisher? Screaming fans so loud that your head explodes.

True Story.

What’s Good About It?

If it’s a success, future sequels may introduce Warewolves, or Mammies (which is what I called your momma last night), and Fronkenstein.

And Zambies.

What’s Bad About It?

Seriously? I’m just going to post the description again. (but with quotation marks!)

Anyways, the Vampyres are a genetic anomaly that develops at puberty in a part of the population, and said Vampyres are marked and sent to a special school to learn to be adult Vampyres. Zoey Redbird, who I have to assume is Native American, what with the Redbird thing (like the werewolves in Twilight, not that I’ve seen them or anything), discovers that she is a Vampyre and is sent to the new school and has to learn about her new life as an abomination.

Our Clever Prediction

I will show up opening night to score. Uh… score a goal. I’ll be going to a football game. They play for goals, right?

Anyways, I’m not a perv.

I think the film will look like what it is, a cheap Twilight ripoff. Oh, and for those of you have read the books, feel free to hate me.

574 Comments »

  1. klee August 8, 2011 at 6:35 am -

    The books are really really good and i find it insulting to compare them with twilight, they have what you call real vampire in these books instead of gay glittering ones, ok, i like twilight but i prefer HONS and they better make the film good and pick a good cast for it because it will ruin the whole series if they do

    and who ever wrote this review or whatever needs to read the books !

  2. Fifi August 7, 2011 at 6:18 am -

    Don’t get me wrong, i like the twilight saga books and all but please don’t compare them with the house of night books because the only thing in common is the fact that they are vampires, yeah it has romance but doesn’t everything lately have a romance?

  3. alex August 6, 2011 at 4:00 pm -

    hey peoples i love both but the twilight saga movies suck the books do not and the person who wrote this review is really dumb and seriously needs to read the books and then it WILL CHANGE ITS FEELINGS FOR THE SERIES so person whom im calling it until i find out its gender

  4. Ambie August 6, 2011 at 7:37 am -

    Britiney,

    i loove the book da series is my new addiction ay.. its wosre than being adicted to my fone!!

  5. Ambie August 6, 2011 at 7:32 am -

    oooh my friken word!! when is the movie actually going to come to south africa!!! wata bout us?? i would realli love to watch it; to compare the images of my imagination to those of the movie. i really adore this series wish there were more though.. arent u perhaps intersted in writing more and more and more even if the characters age or differ a lil or if u introduce more characters maybe getting rid of the old ones(them dying) and creating characters that feel the need to take over or creating a new school that competes with these characters.. i think thats awsommeess!!

    mwah!!
    To hell with the predictable TWILITENESS!! this has more tenticles than an octopus!!