House of Night is the next Twilight, or at least it’s trying to be. First, no, I haven’t read the books, but the film is based on a popular book series based on vampires and a teenaged girl. Okay, so they call them Vampyres. But that’s just stupid.

Anyways, the Vampyres are a genetic anomaly that develops at puberty in a part of the population, and said Vampyres are marked and sent to a special school to learn to be adult Vampyres. Zoey Redbird, who I have to assume is Native American, what with the Redbird thing (like the werewolves in Twilight, not that I’ve seen them or anything), discovers that she is a Vampyre and is sent to the new school and has to learn about her new life as an abomination. Now lets talk about the trailer for House Of Night…

Trailer

Just kidding, not yet.

House of Night

The book has been optioned for a film, but so far there hasn’t been a writer or director announced. I nominate Catherine Hardwicke. In the House Of Night MOvie, newly turned vampyre Zoey Redbird leaves her old world behind and enters a training school known as the House of Night, where she can learn how to become an adult vampyre. Cool right?

Who’s It For?

Young adults and their fascination with the Vampire genre. Although, I guess its better kids are reading something since the general consensus is we are raising a society of idiots and shitheads. Why is the Vampire genre so big now, nobody cared about them in my childhood, in the 80′s. Although we did like Alf and The Fonze,  so maybe our generation shouldn’t brag too much.

Movie Release Date

House of night is now a 2013 movie release. They must be searching for a sexy male lead vampire. I nominate Jason Patrick. He was amazing in The Lost Boys, he knows the vampire character, and lets face it, he’s still hot. Right guys and gals? Right? Who’s got my back?

Who’s In It?

Since there hasn’t been any casting, I will also announce that Bob Sagat will play Zoey.

Interesting Fact

If you put Twilight and House of Night in Mortal Kombat as characters House of Night would totally finish Twilight. House of Night’s finisher? Screaming fans so loud that your head explodes.

True Story.

What’s Good About It?

If it’s a success, future sequels may introduce Warewolves, or Mammies (which is what I called your momma last night), and Fronkenstein.

And Zambies.

What’s Bad About It?

Seriously? I’m just going to post the description again. (but with quotation marks!)

Anyways, the Vampyres are a genetic anomaly that develops at puberty in a part of the population, and said Vampyres are marked and sent to a special school to learn to be adult Vampyres. Zoey Redbird, who I have to assume is Native American, what with the Redbird thing (like the werewolves in Twilight, not that I’ve seen them or anything), discovers that she is a Vampyre and is sent to the new school and has to learn about her new life as an abomination.

Our Clever Prediction

I will show up opening night to score. Uh… score a goal. I’ll be going to a football game. They play for goals, right?

Anyways, I’m not a perv.

I think the film will look like what it is, a cheap Twilight ripoff. Oh, and for those of you have read the books, feel free to hate me.