House of Night (2013)

Flying Brian Banana Hammock April 30, 2013 574

House of Night is the next Twilight, or at least it’s trying to be. First, no, I haven’t read the books, but the film is based on a popular book series based on vampires and a teenaged girl. Okay, so they call them Vampyres. But that’s just stupid.

Anyways, the Vampyres are a genetic anomaly that develops at puberty in a part of the population, and said Vampyres are marked and sent to a special school to learn to be adult Vampyres. Zoey Redbird, who I have to assume is Native American, what with the Redbird thing (like the werewolves in Twilight, not that I’ve seen them or anything), discovers that she is a Vampyre and is sent to the new school and has to learn about her new life as an abomination. Now lets talk about the trailer for House Of Night…

Trailer

Just kidding, not yet.

House of Night

The book has been optioned for a film, but so far there hasn’t been a writer or director announced. I nominate Catherine Hardwicke. In the House Of Night MOvie, newly turned vampyre Zoey Redbird leaves her old world behind and enters a training school known as the House of Night, where she can learn how to become an adult vampyre. Cool right?

Who’s It For?

Young adults and their fascination with the Vampire genre. Although, I guess its better kids are reading something since the general consensus is we are raising a society of idiots and shitheads. Why is the Vampire genre so big now, nobody cared about them in my childhood, in the 80′s. Although we did like Alf and The Fonze,  so maybe our generation shouldn’t brag too much.

Movie Release Date

House of night is now a 2013 movie release. They must be searching for a sexy male lead vampire. I nominate Jason Patrick. He was amazing in The Lost Boys, he knows the vampire character, and lets face it, he’s still hot. Right guys and gals? Right? Who’s got my back?

Who’s In It?

Since there hasn’t been any casting, I will also announce that Bob Sagat will play Zoey.

Interesting Fact

If you put Twilight and House of Night in Mortal Kombat as characters House of Night would totally finish Twilight. House of Night’s finisher? Screaming fans so loud that your head explodes.

True Story.

What’s Good About It?

If it’s a success, future sequels may introduce Warewolves, or Mammies (which is what I called your momma last night), and Fronkenstein.

And Zambies.

What’s Bad About It?

Seriously? I’m just going to post the description again. (but with quotation marks!)

Anyways, the Vampyres are a genetic anomaly that develops at puberty in a part of the population, and said Vampyres are marked and sent to a special school to learn to be adult Vampyres. Zoey Redbird, who I have to assume is Native American, what with the Redbird thing (like the werewolves in Twilight, not that I’ve seen them or anything), discovers that she is a Vampyre and is sent to the new school and has to learn about her new life as an abomination.

Our Clever Prediction

I will show up opening night to score. Uh… score a goal. I’ll be going to a football game. They play for goals, right?

Anyways, I’m not a perv.

I think the film will look like what it is, a cheap Twilight ripoff. Oh, and for those of you have read the books, feel free to hate me.

574 Comments »

  1. Angelica August 26, 2010 at 3:15 pm -

    Soo hey well this is how it’s House of night is not to compare with “twilight”. Twilight is this Ohhhh So cutiiii cuttiii or.. sumthing ^^ House of night is more action in and it’s not just about love. Sure its nice with romantic movies, but when it’s about vampires it supposed to be scary. House of night is Twilight? Shouldent think so. Sure twilight is okey, But I bet House of night wins when it comes to greatness ;) ((( BIGGEST HOUSE OF NIGHT FAN! ))

  2. Bessie August 24, 2010 at 2:05 pm -

    It’s actually nothing like twilight except for involving vampires. I tink it’s better than twilight (which was really suckish).

  3. fledgling-girl August 23, 2010 at 7:02 am -

    First of all, this series is nothing like the twilight series and i think the first book actually came out before the twilight ones did, or about the same time. second its not exatly about the vampires, its about being a fledgling, which in this series is what they are before they fully turn into vampires, and for that matter, its mostly a teen book, i think aimed at girls anywhere from maybe 14 15 to 17 18.
    its based on one girl who was normal but gets marked as a fledgling and goes to a special school for learn how to be a vamprire, if they make it though a change that could kill them. it follows her story and though at first it might be slightly dull, it gets better in the latter books. its not for everyone, but if u like it, then its a great series.

  4. nikki August 19, 2010 at 6:31 pm -

    Not all things should come back to Twilight, it has nothing to do with twilight, besides there being vampires, Twilight is about a boy vampire and a human girl trying to love, this book is about a female vampire trying to make it in the house of night with her other vampire friends, It’s not lame, just because YOU don’t like it, and you dont have to watch the movie, that’s fine.

  5. Amanda August 18, 2010 at 12:30 am -

    Okay so someone told me these books were really good so I started reading them… I will usually give any book a chance… but so far… I am not impressed. It’s a totally lame knock off of Twilight… Just because you change one letter in the word Vampire it doesn’t change what the story is about. I’ll give it one thing… it sounds bloodier than the Twilight saga! All in all I’m going with LAME!!!! Not gonna waste money on seeing that movie!