Movie news for Cowboys and Aliens, Wolverine, and Tron: Legacy!

Flying Brian Banana Hammock November 18, 2010 Comments Off

Mostly news concerning Olivia Wilde. You know she’s bitchy looking, but I want to sit by a fire and have her cuss at me.

What the crap am I talking about?

Cowboys and Aliens

First bit of Olivia Wilde news is there’s finally a trailer up for Cowboys and Aliens. I have to admit, this looks cool as hell. It appears that Indiana Jones hates James Bond and wants him dead, but then aliens show up and everything goes to hell. Oh, and James Bond lost his memory, like Jason Bourne. And Daniel Craig is the James Bond for the Jason Bourne generation. Oh, and Olivia Wilde looks pretty.

Tron: Legacy

Even the name Olivia is hot now. And I used to associate it with Olive Oil (not the food, but rather the Popeye skank). So there’s a new trailer out for Tron: Legacy. This one’s an international trailer, which I give to you because of my overseas connections. (it turns out, the world wide net can reach across the ocean. I’ve also received wonderful news about some money I’m to inherit because of my 3rd cousin in Africa happens to be a prince, and for just a small amount of money I’ll be able to get my whole fortune. And then Olivia Wilde will marry me, cause women are all the same, they love me.)

Oh, the trailer. Right.

I love the beginning! It totally looks like a newscast from the 80’s. I feel like I’m in Back to the Future. The first one. Not the second one or the cowboy one.

The Wolverine

I know what you’re thinking, and I DO use conditioner.

Also, that wasn’t a typo, the next Wolverine film, which is now confirmed to be directed by Darren Aronofsky, will be titled “The Wolverine.” Also, the film will not be a sequel. I guess. It will be set in Japan, where Wolverine will fall in love with a kamikaze pilot/surgeon general, and when her parents don’t agree with the union, he starts stabbing everyone with claws that now come out of his FEET.

Okay, to be fair, I made up/joygasmed, some of that. The true stuff is the ‘not a sequel’ and it is still supposed to be set in Japan and have a love story with a bloody ending.

And the blade feet. I bet he has Happy Feet. Get it? Like the penguins and stuff.

Spider-Man

Apparently, Denis Leary is in negotiations to play Gwen Stacy’s dad in the Spider-Man reboot. Huh. Okay. (what? I’m ambivalent)

Fine, I hope he gives a performance as good as in Demolition Man.

Happy?

Now I’m happy.

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