Thursday , 21 September 2017
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Movie News for Blue Valentine, Winnie the Pooh, and Season of the Witch!

Blue Valentine has a poster, and it’s giving me ‘Blue Valentine‘ balls.

So that didn’t make sense. I’m trying. Maybe I should have said it reminds me that every Valentine’s day I have blue balls. And oddly, for the last few years I’ve blamed Ryan Gosling.

Blue Valentine Poster

It kinda looks like they’re going to do ‘it’ in the alley. And don’t forget that Blue Valentine is currently sitting pretty with a rating of NC-17, so they may actually be doing ‘it.’ I suddenly feel the quotation marks around ‘it’ are unnecessary, and yet for that last one it wasn’t. I can tell you’re all holding your breath.

Season of the Witch

Since The Sorcerer’s Apprentice was so awesome, there’s another Nic Cage magic movie coming out, this one entitled Season of the Witch. The season in question is actually April. Which you would know if you spent time at Hogwart’s like me. Losers. Apparently, there isn’t a preview up for this yet, though I swear I did one, so look forward to that in about 20 minutes.

There’s a poster, which is so awesome cause of the uneven look of Nic Cage’s facial hair, and the super shiny sword that reveals what I can only assume is the film’s interpretation of the IRS. (I mean the bad guys, but then Nic Cage doesn’t like paying taxes) The trailer has me SUPER excited to see something else that weekend.

Winnie the Pooh

I’m charmed by this. I just wish it were called “Winnie’s got the shits.” It’s just a pet project of mine, where Winnie the Pooh actually has some bad fish tacos and gets ‘the Shits.’ I decided to capitalize it the second time. No typo. Just artistic evolution of a concept.

Anywho, the trailer looks very nice, and I just realized nothing I’ve ever written should be read by a child, who may right now be searching for a Winnie the Pooh video and finding this. Hey kids! Next time your parents visit the bathroom, ask them if they have the shits. Or, if you’re feeling bold, the Canadians.